Giving Up Control for Empowerment.

April 8, 2012 by  
Filed under Nedda, New Posts


Who Is in Control of Your Life?

by Nedda Wittels
© April 8, 2012

When we feel helpless, hopeless, and disempowered, then we say that something or someone else outside of us is in control of our lives.  This can be alcohol, drugs, our parents, boy/girl-friend, and so on.  It’s a long list in the blame game, and for many that means blaming God, too.

When we are scrambling around, overwhelmed, but trying to push the river anyway, then that’s our ego aspect trying desperately to be in or stay “in control.”  This way of being “in control” doesn’t work because it’s false, an illusion, inauthentic.  This is how many of us function on a daily basis, but it’s very unsatisfying and often leaves us exhausted physically, emotionally, and mentally.  When we scramble around like this, then clearly we are not in control of anything – what’s happening around us or what’s happening inside us.

So perhaps the goal of being “in control” is based on a misconception, a misunderstanding, an illusion.  Perhaps the goal should be thought of as being empowered.  Perhaps being empowered is the same as allowing, flowing, letting go of the notion of control, and being in the moment.

Does this seem contradictory to you?

How can being “empowered’ mean giving up control and just allowing instead?

Which part of you feels the contradiction?  Your ego self?  Or your True Self?

Removing the Control Matrix

Last Saturday, March 31, 2012, a friend read the Akashic Records for me.  The Record Keepers answer to my question about what was causing pain and swelling in my lower back for the previous 2 weeks was “control.”  When I asked how to resolve this situation, I was advised to spend 12 hours asking my healing guides to remove the “control matrix” from my bodies.

My first reaction was a typical control reflex.  “What?  But I have to get my taxes done.”

Then I started laughing at myself.  If I have to choose between spiritual ascension and taxes which would I choose?

So I made dinner for the cats and myself, and turned off my phone and turned down my answering machine and got into bed around 6 p.m.  I called in my upstairs department – my I AM, my healing teams, and my guides.  I requested that they remove the entire control matrix from all of my bodies down to the cellular, atomic, and sub-atomic levels.

I slept deeply for the next 6 hours or so.  When I woke up, I was aware that there was an energetic form of very dark energy that was part-way out of my physical body, connected directly into the part of my back where I had been experiencing pain and swelling. Clearly this was a big project and required additional time to complete.

I got up for awhile and had some tea.  I think I was up for 3 hours or so and then went back to bed, whereupon I fell back into a deep sleep.

At 6:30 a.m., I got up to feed the cats.  The dark energy was gone.  I had some breakfast, and a few hours later, lay down to complete the healing process that the Akashic Record Keepers had described: to fill myself with pink/gold light for an hour.  After that, I slept again, and then got up, but I was exhausted.  For the next 4 days, I couldn’t seem to get enough sleep as my bodies readjusted.

Have I really given up control?

How different do I really feel?  Very different, but in subtle and yet substantial ways.

I am more at peace at all levels.

I am more trusting that everything will be taken care of in Divine Order.

I am gentler with myself and taking better care of myself, allowing my body to get the rest it needs when it needs it.

I allow myself to do what is appropriate for each now moment.

I have stopped beating myself up for all the things that I imagine need to be done but which cannot be done all at the same time, anyway.

I am more accepting of what is in the moment and going with that.

Of course, my head is still trying to figure this all out.

My heart is more in charge.

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The Rescue Game – Disempowerment 101

February 10, 2009 by  
Filed under Food for Thought

The other day, while writing about compassion, I stumbled into another fascinating subject:  rescue.   Many times when we feel compassion for someone, we want to jump right in and help.  But this is not what is compassion is all about.  It is, however, what Rescue is about.

Most of us feel that rescuing someone is a good thing to do.  However, there are times when we think we are helping another and actually, we are not.  This situation leads to conflict because we are confirming for them that they are stuck with being disempowered and cannot take their own power back.

When we rescue someone, we take full responsibility for that person’s life and well-being in that moment or situation.  We assume that the individual is incapable of making decisions for themselves.  We believe that we know what is best for that person, and that the individual doesn’t know what is best for herself.

There are very real situations in which rescuing someone is necessary.   The types of situations in which a rescue is an appropriate response are actually rather few and specific.  Someone who is lying unconscious on the floor and cannot help themselves needs rescuing.  An infant who cannot care for itself and cannot communicate what it needs or wants needs rescuing.  Someone buried under an avalanche or trapped in a burning building or experiencing some other physical disaster is clearly in need of rescuing.

But in our more ordinary daily living, we sometimes try to rescue conscious, fully-functioning individuals who are quite capable of caring for themselves.  Instead they may be in the habit of giving away their power to others by creating situations in which they appear to be needy or helpless.   This invites others to jump in and “fix” the situation.

The person who appears helpless but really isn’t helpless is called a Victim.  

A Victim is someone who refuses to take responsibility for one or more situations in their own life.  They blame everyone else for what’s making them unhappy or creating obstacles in their lives.  Victims look to others to fix their problems – to save them – when they are actually quite capable of doing it themselves.

A Victim may not actually ask for help, but a Victim is seeking someone to jump in and take care of them and whatever situation is currently “the problem.”  This person feels disempowered, but instead of saying, “I want to take my power back and fix my situation,” they are saying, “I am helpless and the situation is hopeless, so I want someone else to take responsibility for me and for it.”

A Rescuer is someone who jumps in to save the Victim.  A Rescuer thinks she has the best of intentions, but by agreeing to fix the problem for the Victim, the Rescuer is agreeing that the Victim is “helpless and hopeless.”  When the Rescuer decides to “save” the Victim, the Rescuer is not empowering the Victim to take charge of his or her own life and situation.

So now there are two players in this game, both of whom are in agreement that the basic assumption, disempowerment of the Victim, is an unalterable fact.  They also agree that the Victim does not have to reclaim his power in order to change his life or situation.

If you’ve ever been the Rescuer in this type of situation, you might already know what happens next.  What happens nearly every time is that the Victim decides that the Rescuer isn’t rescuing the way the Victim wants to be rescued or that the result of the rescue is somehow “wrong” or inadequate.  As soon as the Victim decides this, the Victim transforms into something else – a Persecutor.

A Persecutor is someone who blames a Rescuer for “doing it wrong.”  Of course, by definition, the Rescuer can’t possibly do it “right”, since doing it “right” would restore personal power back to the Victim, who doesn’t really want it.

So the former Victim, now the Persecutor, starts to “beat up” on the Rescuer, who is transformed into a new Victim who is now feeling betrayed and angry.  The Persecutor may use physical violence, but more often uses verbal negativity and verbal abuse against the new Victim. 

This often leaves the former Rescuer, now Victim, it a state of surprise and anger.  “I thought I was helping you.  I thought I was doing what you wanted.  Why can’t you show me some appreciation?” cries the new Victim.

Both parties who play this Rescue Game (first described in detail in Games People Play: The Handbook of Transactional Analysis, by Eric Berne) end up dissatisfied.   The basic problem, disempowerment, remains unresolved.  In my experience this happens because neither individual recognizes that we cannot give someone back their own personal power – they have to be willing to take it back and they have to take it back themselves.

We can assist another in taking back their power, but we cannot give it to them because it isn’t ours to give.  If someone is unwilling to take back their power, we can only feel compassion for them, but we must allow each individual to make his or her own choices.

We can model empowerment by taking back our own power.  This will give us more satisfaction in our own lives.   It will also put the energy of re-empowerment into the group Consciousness of Humanity.  It will demonstrate that taking back personal power IS possible. 

That is the very best we can do.  That is all we are meant to do.  Trying to do anything more will get us caught up in the Rescue Game.


p.s.  Eric Berne’s book, Games People Play, and other books on Transactional Analysis are available at

Faith vs. Hope – Which is more powerful?

January 3, 2009 by  
Filed under Age of Ascension, Food for Thought

A friend of mine just told me about a radio show where someone was talking about FAITH and HOPE.  The person on the radio was saying that FAITH is much more empowering than HOPE. 

I can immediately see/feel that this is true.  If you are intending to manifest something in your life, FAITH means KNOWING that what you intend to create has already been created, is already on it’s way to you, and will shortly arrive.  FAITH helps you remember that time is an illusion, that you have already created what you are choosing as you energized it, and only the illusion of time makes it seem that you have to “wait” for your manifestation to appear.

HOPE, on the other hand, implies that there may or may not be a creation coming.  We “hope” it will show up, but there is implied doubt.

When I want to feel empowered, one thing I can do is honor myself by having FAITH in myself.  When I know my strengths and rely on them, I become expansive and my sense of self-worth and personal power expands.

FAITH is difficult for many people today.   Many have lost faith in themselves, in the economy, in the Bush Presidency, in God, and so on. 

Can we recover our FAITH in this time of great change and confusion?


What if you are someone who feels s/he has never had FAITH in anything?

Lack of faith, to me, translates as lack of trust.  And the place I would start to rebuild TRUST is with myself.

Do you TRUST yourself?

Most of us, I imagine, have had challenging times throughout our lives.  As little children, we might have been in situations where we didn’t feel protected by the adults around us.  When we were small, we looked to parents, teachers, priest/ministers, older siblings and others for nuturance, love, protection, and in some cases for our very survival.  When we were very small and the adults failed us in some way, that was our initial betrayal of trust.

Now, as adults, we want to feel safe and we want to trust something and someone, but we many not know where to start.

The place to start, I believe is within ourselves.  Our little child aspects live on within us and are still searching for safety, love, nurturance, support, playmates, and someone to TRUST.  If not the adult aspect of YOU, then WHO?

I’ve been noticing in my Spiritual Empowerment sessions that many people have little boys and little girls inside them who want the adult aspect to show the child aspect love, nurturance, and protection.  The child aspect may not trust the adult aspect because we “dis” ourselves all the time. 

I find that the adult aspect has to prove itself TRUSTWORTHY to the inner child aspect.  This can be done, and once you make an agreement with your inner child and KEEP that agreement, you will become worthy of TRUST at the most basic level. 

In this way, you can begin to heal your inner child and at the same time, provide a basis for TRUST and FAITH in your own life.  When you can TRUST yourself and have FAITH in yourself, your personal POWER grows.

You are GOD living in this body, having this experience.  Why not use it to build FAITH and TRUST in yourself?


Learn more about Spiritual Empowerment Sessions.

The Healing Power of the Heart Center

December 2, 2008 by  
Filed under Age of Ascension, Heart Centered Living

Of the 7 major chakras inside the human body, extending from the base of the spine to the top of our head, the Heart Chakra or heart center is the point of transition from lower vibrational frequencies to higher ones.  The major purpose of the Heart Chakra is to help us transform our consciousness from the lower to higher frequency vibrations.  This is most efficiently done in a conscious way. 

The tools of the Heart Center are the emotions that are available there.  Among these are Compassion, Love without conditions, Non-judgment, Forgiveness, Generosity of spirit, and Kindness.  The way to use the Heart Chakra to heal yourself of attachment to old emotions involves a number of steps.


Perhaps you have a grudge you have been carrying around for a long time.   When we carry anger or hatred or jealousy around, it begins to weigh heavily upon us.  It is like carrying a large backpack full of rocks.  With ever step, the backpack makes us waste our energy. 

In addition, when we hold onto an emotion from one situation, it tends to become magnetic and draws to itself more of that emotion.  The pattern of being angry or hating or being jealous tends to expand itself and draws more of the same into its energy.  Your backpack keeps expanding (it has unlimited size) to hold more and more of the same energy associated with many incidents and people over the years.  The energy grows and the weight increases.  Some of us actually are crawling, not walking, but crawling forward in our lives under burdons of our own creation.

So why are you still holding onto old grudges? 

“I don’t want the other person to win,” you might think.

Well, who has really won if you are crawling around beneath the weight of your emotions while the other person or persons are going about their lives feeling just fine?

“I want them to suffer ( — be punished; _________ — fill in the blank).”

Remember, to be empowered means to be in power over yourself.  You can’t change anyone else.  You CAN change YOUR SELF. 

Making the other suffer will not empty your backpack.  Instead, it may add a new emotional component called guilt.  Guilt is one of the heaviest emotions, rivaling lead, I sometimes think.

Remember, too, that everything outside us is a reflection of our inner world.  If you feel you are not worthy of enjoying your life, it’s your feeling – your limited belief – that is holding you back. 

You really don’t have to create a situation in which you say, “I’ll be happy when so-and-so is miserable.” 

What a waste of time and effort!  Do you realize you are giving your power away to the other person by making your happiness depend on that person’s mental/emotional state?

Insead, why don’t you TAKE BACK YOUR POWER?

You DO have the POWER to change your beliefs and feelings.  When you change them, your experience of your life will change.

Imagine that you can just put that backpack down and leave it on the side of the road.  Imagine yourself walking forward in your life with ease and freedom.  You would have more energy.  You would feel lighter.  You would BE lighter.  You would laugh and hop and skip and jump and enjoy life’s journey more.





p.s.  More on this discussion to come.