Is Loving Yourself a Selfish Act?

February 3, 2009 by  
Filed under Age of Ascension

When I was growing up, I was told that when I did what I wanted to do I was selfish.  When I did what others wanted me to do, I was not selfish.

This felt “icky” to me as a child.  Since then, I have learned that the messages I received about “selfishness” were often meant to manipulate and control me. 

If you don’t take care of you, who will?  If you don’t put yourself first, who will?   If you don’t treat yourself kindly, who will?

This is not to say that taking advantage of others is OK or that being self-centered all the time is a beneficial life choice.   The point is . . .

You teach others how to treat you
by how you treat yourself

You model how you expect to be treated
by how you treat yourself

If we treat ourselves with disrespect, others will treat us the same way.   If we always put ourselves last, so will everyone else.  If we are negative about ourselves, everyone else will be negative about us as well, if only judging us as being negative all the time.

Remember that what we experience is a reflection of our inner world.  If we want to be appreciated, we have to appreciate ourselves and then that will be reflected back to us.

The Law of Attraction tell us that we attract what we focus on and energize.  If we are negative about ourselves, that’s what we are focused on and that’s what we are energizing.

Being negative about yourself is detrimental to you and to others.  The fact is, you cannot help anyone when you are not feeling filled up – with love, with energy, with enthusiasm, with caring. 

What can you possibly offer to others as a gift if you feel empty?  Not much.  When you are “running on empty, ” all your efforts to be generous and caring to others are qualitatively different than when you are filled with joy, excitement, enthusiasm, and energy. 

It’s fine to be generous, but how generous is it to offer others the last of your strength and energy?  People who do this may have some “martyr” energy that they are working with.  They may believe, they may have been taught, that they can prove their goodness and worthiness to God by always giving of themselves and never receiving.  Hogwash! 

I’ve also known individuals who do this as a form of manipulation, which is a way to control people.  They constantly proclaim that they are sacrificing themselves for others.  They use this as an excuse to beat their chests and tell anyone who will listen,  “Look at the sacrifices I’ve made for him/her!” as if that were a good thing.  It isn’t a good thing when giving is used to manipulate others.  It is a very low vibrational experience, both to manipulate and to be manipulated.

When you receive, you allow others to give – to express their generosity and good will.  If everyone gave and no one received, how would that even work???  It doesn’t make logical sense and it doesn’t make emotional or spiritual sense.  The message that it is “better to give than to receive” is just a lie!  It distorts the very meaning of giving and receiving.

There is no virtue in giving without also receiving.  When you receive you are giving – you are giving others the gift of being able to give! 

When you are the one giving and you are giving from a place of fullness, you have more to give. 

To be in a place of fullness,
you have to be open to receiving

To only be a giver puts you in a “one-up” situation and everyone else in a “one-down” situation.  That’s not giving from a place of generosity and love.  That’s giving from a place of manipulation – a lower vibrational state than generosity and love.

So the place to start is with yourself. 

Learn to give to yourself
generously and with Love

One way to begin is to make a commitment to start noticing when you say negative things about yourself.  Then you can begin changing those negative messages to positive ones.

Also, make a commitment to do things that provide nurturance to yourself.  If you have a busy schedule, make sure you put time on that schedule for yourself.  Rest when you need it.  Recreation re-creates us.  Play brings us to a place of joy and fills us with energy.   

Positive self-messages tell the Universe what we expect to receive.  Open your heart and start receiving.  Then, when you feel full, you will have so much more to share with others.

Become self-caring, self-loving, self-nurturing.  When you do something for yourself, do it with generosity,  joy, enthusiasm, and Love.   You are entitled to everything!  You are God expressing through this body.  The entire Universe is yours.  Allow yourself to create opportunities for you to do what you truly want to do in your life and to enjoy them.  You are worth it!